Well, I had a rough night tonight (including stress from studying and relationships). What better time to start than when I need to trust in the Lord to do what he does best*? (*Lead me back home.) [End Intro Explanation here.]
The background is a "paper" from Summertime Design. The words are, obviously, from the bible. The combination of the two was me.
If I had known I would still be up at 2:30 in the morning, I would have continued to study. Although, I guess if I had continued studying, I would not have come across the information that lead me back to this place. This place where I am reminded that I am not in control. I do not have the best plan. In fact, when I make the plans I typically end up here. Broken hearted, let down and overworked.
I had a conversation today with a girl that was ringing in my ears tonight. She and I met last week, and she was randomly at the church I tried out this Sunday. (More proof that this is a very small town.) I hadn't planned to, but I opened up to her about some of the fears and stresses I was having. Her advice, while not laced with bible verses and Christian "buzz words," was enough to remind me that I do not need to rely on the works of man. Because, ultimately, the works of man have let me down.
Instead, I need to live with the hope of God in my heart. Furthermore, I need to act with behavior that SHOWS it! And then... I need to just accept the fact that sometimes we must suffer. And sometimes, like tonight, I make choices that are not Godly, and as a result of putting my hope in the world, I suffer.
But, at least I'm not alone. I suspect that because of tonight I will feel even more lonely and sad in the coming months. I just need to remember that I have hope, hope that I should not be ashamed of. This problem I'm having often results in the other person putting me down for my faith, and dragging my expectations in the mud with some past mistake I've made, or past misdeed someone else has done to me. I'm just done. I can't keep up. I cannot keep up with the world, but thankfully, God keeps up with me.
So... that's that. Week one. If people don't want to read my blog anymore, then I suppose that's OK.
Edit: This is also the first thing I am able to cross of my (still unfinished) 101 in 1001 list! Yay!