To Be With Family - I Never Understood the Importance Before

This is a scheduled post.  I am writing from my couch under a blanket, but when you read this I will be at my Grandma's house, likely waking up and settling in for some quiet time before everyone else gets up.  I will need that time to get ahold of myself before I have to face the day and be strong.

Grandpa and the Grandkids, 2006ish

My sister and I are leaving late tonight to head to California.  We will spend the weekend with my Grandma and Great-Grandma, and help with whatever is needed to finish up things with my Grandpa.

...

It is going to be hard.  It is going to be overwhelming.  I'm not sure how I will do it.  Your prayers and positive thoughts will not be wasted on me or my family if you think of us this weekend.  It will be emotional - I'm sure that's an understatement.

If you're interested, today is the last day to enter the giveaway!

You can Enter HERE.  The giveaway closes at Midnight PST.  I had planned to post the winner Saturday morning, but because of the last minute trip to CA, it may happen Saturday evening.

If you missed the first post, this giveaway is my way of saying thank you to everyone who has stopped by this little home of mine and sent an encouraging word, thought, email or comment.  Everyone can enter. Just make sure you comment on the original post (not this one).

PS. To anyone thinking they can rob me since I said I wouldn't be home... I'm a recent law grad with $100,000 in student loan debt. If you think I have anything worth stealing you are sorely mistaken.

You've Got Time

I was reading a blog a couple months ago that talked about the You've Got Time Podcast.  (I don't remember what blog it was, so if you think it's you let me know and I'll link you.)

If you've been around awhile you may remember that I tried to read the bible in a year with my church in Small Town. I was doing really well until March.  It wasn't even a "boring" old testament book that set me over the edge - it was the fact that Mark seemed identical to Matthew.  But I learned a TON that I probably would have already known if I went to church as a kid.

I have felt convicted about how much time I was spending actually IN God's Word instead of just reading books ABOUT God's Word.  I also have a really long commute (30 minutes in the car each way) and have to drive 6 hours up to Small Town to see the Boyfriend. I figured I'd give it a shot.

It was so interesting! It was also REALLY cheesy at parts. The gospels had a lot of sound effects that were unnecessary and sometimes there was odd music in the background, but when I reminded myself that it was free I was able to put those things aside.  The plan is for 40 days, but I finished in 30.  It was just SO good, and gave a totally different perspective to listen instead of read!

The podcast is numbered by days.  If you're a checklist person like me, you can go to the Faith Comes by Hearing website and Create a 40 Day Listening Plan where you put the day you're starting.  It will tell you what day you should be on as it goes - so you can start at any time! I printed this out and put it in my prayer binder.

If you're looking to delve deeper into the Word but don't have a lot of time to sit down and read uninterrupted every day, this could be for you. It worked for me while I drove, but since it's a podcast you can hook it to your iPod no matter where you go - the gym, cleaning the house, laying by the pool (if you live in the South-West where it's still a million degrees) or cooking dinner.

Linked up to Women in the Word Wednesdays at Good Morning Girls and Living Well Wednesdays, and Word Filled Wednesdays:

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While you're here - don't forget to enter my Cozy Fall Giveaway!

Ten on Tuesday #99

Linking up to Ten on Tuesday over at Roots and Rings.  After a stressful night watching the cowboys win I need one of these vacations! whew! (BTW the new blogger doesn't let me keep track of what number I'm on. boo.)

1. What is your dream vacation?

A weekend at the beach with a foggy peaceful morning for reading, and a sun filled afternoon for tanning until a beautiful sunset. 

2. What has been your favorite trip so far in your life?

I went on a conference in high school called the Global Young Leaders Conference. It was two weeks in NY and Washington DC.  It was seriously amazing and 10 years later I still have several close friends as a result.

3. If you and one of your best friends could go anywhere in the world for one week, where would it be and why?

hmmm... I think I'd love to go on a disneyland/world tour with my BFF Mrs. S.  

4. Have you ever booked a trip using an online deal? How did it go?

Not like a groupon or anything. I use Ding for Southwest all the time though. It saved me in college/law school.

5. What’s your favorite thing to do while you’re on vacation?

Shop! And just lounge and enjoy the company of the people I'm with.

6. Have you ever missed an opportunity to take a trip that you regret?

I missed several mission opportunities in high school because my family couldn't afford to send me.  I regret those in general, but not any specific ones in particular.

7. You travel far away from home and get stranded with no way to buy anything, what’s the one thing you can’t live without?

Makeup remover. yuck. I'd rather be makeup-less than have caked on mascara.

8. What’s one of your favorite traveling memories?

My little sister and I flew to see family in Kansas when I was like 12-13.  It was my first time flying. I was FREAKING.OUT and she was super calm. I don't know why it's my favorite, other than I'm glad we got to experience that together.

9. All included resort or backpacking? Why?

Resort. My boyfriend would chose backpacking. Opposites attract, huh? I could seriously use a restful weekend, at a resort, and probably a 5 hour massage to get the pre-trial stress out of my body.

10. Are you more of a lie on the beach kind of person on vacation, or do you prefer to see the sights?

I like a little bit of both, but usually I'm more concerned about spending quality time with the company I'm with (can you tell quality time is my love language?).  It's fun to do exciting things, but bonding in beach towels while we eat a beach picnic is much more ideal for me.

[all pictures are from our usual family vacation to Hermosa Beach, CA.  The one of the lifeguard stand is courtesy of my Grandma :).  It is gorgeous there and I love just walking on the strand, people watching, and lying on the beach.]

Miscellany Monday - The Giveaway Edition

It's miscellany monday time, courtesy of the gorgeous carissa.

One.
I went to church with just my dad today because my sister had to work a super early shift this morning.  The whole time I was there I was wishing she had come with us.  It is such a joy to share that time with my family.  When I was dropping my dad off at his house I got a text from my sister that she was headed to the later service with her friends, who had all just gotten off of work. Talk about joy to my heart!

Two.
My Fantasy Football experience this year is an emotional roller coaster. I am playing in two leagues and it feels like half of both teams are injured.   Not to mention, there's always the huge tug on team loyalty and rooting on your FF team members.  For example, being a COWBOYS fan means I hate the Redskins and the Eagles.  The problem is that the Eagles are my defense on one league. I was struggling between wanting them to lose terribly, and wanting their defense to sack Eli and prevent points. I also feel pretty back for Vick who it appears broke his hand. What a bummer.

Oh the woes of being a Football fan....

Three.
The Cowboys play Monday Night Football tonight (against the Redskins - yuck). And I.Can't.Wait.  Romo and I have a love-hate relationship, but after playing with cracked ribs and a punctured lung, I have a feeling he and I are going to have a good season together. <3

xx

Four. 
Yesterday I told you guys I would be starting a giveaway today, in thanks for your support during this difficult time. I included a few things that remind me of fall and hope that you like them.

I was feeling inspired by fall, despite the fact that it is 94 degrees in Big City right now.  I am missing my fall clothes, scarves, hoodies and coziness. I told you it was things I'm loving right now, so clearly the first part is

a Starbucks mug and gift-card.  

The gift-card is for $5, which 5 years ago would have gotten you two drinks. Today, however, it should be just enough to enjoy one deliciously hot grande beverage of your choice.

While I'm not a huge fan of the pumpkin spice late, I do love the smell. So, second is

a pumpkin spice scented candle.

Last, but definitely not least, is a book I recently read and couldn't get enough of. My boyfriend is a mountain man who grew up on a ranch.  His step-mom gave me a copy of this book to read. There were several instances where I didn't know what the words could mean, but otherwise it was a memoir that made me think of harvest season and fall, and would be a wonderful read cozied up in front of a fire, drinking a coffee with the smell of pumpkins in the air.

Jeannette Walls's Half Broke Horses.

It's all packed up and ready to come your way!

How to enter:

(1) Comment here and say you're entering.
(2) Come back Saturday, October 1, to see if you won! You will have until Monday, October 3 at 8:00 PM PST, to claim it.

(3) For a bonus entry, add me on Twitter. Comment here in a separate post that you've added me on Twitter.

The giveaway will be open until Friday, September 30th at Midnight PST.

(Note: There is no need to add me on Google Friend Connect or subscribe to my RSS Feed, however, if you want to see who won it is probably a good idea :).)


Edited to add: already being a twitter follower totally counts - just say so in your comment :).

101 in 1001 and Appreciation

I cannot put into words how encouraging you ladies have all been.  I appreciate the comments and emails more than I can say.  I spent less time crying than just staring off in shock, but when the tears hit, they hit hard.

xx

I've been wanting to do a giveaway for a long time.  So much so, that I put it on my 101 in 1001 list.  So, I decided that this week is the time.  I will be announcing it tomorrow.  I anticipate it will go either one full week, or to the end of the week. What has taken me so long to do it is that I've been debating what sort of giveaway to do.  I decided that since you guys have touched my heart so much, I will share a few things with you that I love right now.

Thanks again for being by my side while I try to navigate through this grief.

Fill in the Blank Friday

TGIF.

Join in at the little things we do.

1.   The best thing I did all week was   oh gosh...I guess go to Church with my Dad and Sister on Sunday - while my Grandpa was still on this earth.

2.    Reading      make me super happy.

3.  Pets are   a lot more work than I have time for (horrible, I know) .

4.   Jesus Christ   is the best thing about my life.

5.  With the cooler weather I am looking forward to    Wearing hoodies and boots. I seriously look longingly at my fall clothes every single day I stand in my closet (what a blessing to be able to stand IN my closet!).

6.  Something that's on my "wish list" right now is     an iPad. I don't know why.  Also, an iPhone. I'd love to have an iPhone, but T-Mobile doesn't offer them.  I'd buy one the day they came out. Is that weird?

7.  This weekend I am going to    hopefully sleep and rest during my first weekend off in about two months.

Grieving

Today, I am grieving. Since Monday, the only way I've stopped grieving is to be so busy that I can't think about anything else.

I don't understand how to move on from this. I know that heaven is so much better for my Grandpa than earth. But how is earth without my Grandpa better for me???

Grandpa with me and my sister - and my 1990's perm.

I have found myself more than once crying out to God (literally), "What about ME?!" Did He forget that I needed my Grandpa? Did He forget that my Grandpa hadn't yet seen me get married? Did He forget that my Grandpa hadn't yet held my first child, seen me win my first trial, put my law degree to work in a way that would change the world?

Who is going to be my biggest fan, now? Who am I going to call when I need someone to talk to without having to say a word? Who is going to remind me to breathe when I'm upset... to remind me I CAN do it when I feel like I can't... to tell me how far I've come on so little and confidently inspire me into how far I can keep going?

Who?

Because I feel like God just took that person from me. The MOST important person in my entire life has always been my Grandpa. And now he's gone. Like, really, really gone. The fourth person in my family to pass away this year. FOURTH.

I am sitting here, typing while I cry and wipe half of the tears from my face because it's too hard to catch all of them.  Wondering.... What do I do now? How do I just wake up tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, without the man in my life who stood by my side and walked with me; and sometimes picked me up and carried through with his gruff voice on the other side of the phone? How do I do that?

Grandpa proudly wearing my undergrad sweater - even though it wasn't Chico State.

I am so glad that he is now healthy and free from the physical pain his body was in and the emotional pain that war had raged inside of his memories.

But I am so, so hurt - to the depth of my soul - that he is gone. He is actually gone. And here I am.  It's just not fair.

Sisters, (brothers?) I could use your prayers, your encouragements, your positive thoughts. I know the Word has encouragement in it specifically on this subject.  However, I do not feel strong enough to go there myself and look for it. I have been in the Word every day this week... but I cannot search it out myself. I just can't.

So, if you can lead me somewhere I'd greatly appreciate it. I just don't know what to do now. I just don't know...

The Insides of my Prayer Binder

Last time I showed you guys the tabs of my Quiet-Time/Prayer Binder.

I've never really had a good example of what quiet-time looks like, aside from being directed to have them during church retreats and hearing about bible study friends of mine having them. I had no idea what they actually meant. So, I did a lot of "research" and am now just throwing myself in.  That is a definite perk of a binder where I can add and remove things.

The first tab is "Reflection."  Right now I've been following my great-grandma's advice and reading one proverb a day.  I write down how I'm feeling and any prayers first, then read the passage once, read through it a second time with my bible pens I told you about, and then write down any verses that speak to me.  Then I write out a prayer to the Lord and sign my name, as if I were writing a letter. 

In the Prayer section I left papers in the front to write scriptures about prayer.  I then went ghetto fabulous and cut up an index card. I wrote intentional prayer categories onto it and taped it with packing tape to the top of the appropriate papers so that they wouldn't conflict with the "professional" tabs. 

I don't want to show you the prayers I have written for people to protect their confidences.  I drew three columns.  The left side has the date, the middle is the prayer, and the right hand side is the praise report when it's answered. Also, I obviously haven't stumbled upon any scriptures on prayer during my quiet time yet. If you know any, I'd love to hear your favorites.

The tab for One Thousand Gifts is my second attempt at gratitude as taught, spoken and poetically inspired by Ann Voskamp. I cannot form prose that evoke tears like she does, but I'm making my way through.

And finally, I have the Good Morning Girls tab.  I did a group last year that sort of fizzled out.  This year, I am in another group with two girls who I love dearly.  I am looking forward to a season of accountability and growth in the Lord and hopefully our friendships.  It has already been an INCREDIBLE blessing and we are finding that the scriptures that speak to one of us, apply to all of us as unmarried young women in a professional career.

Unfortunately, I cannot find my three hole punch ANYWHERE, so these papers are just sitting under the GMG tab for now. haha  I am totally loving the printouts and the SOAP method had already been really enlightening - and it's only day 2!

I would love to see your prayer binder if you have one! Please post in the comments if you do!

This Post is linked up to Women Living Well Wednesdays and Women in the Word Wednesdays:

 

miscellany monday #14

I had planned to write up with miscellany monday at lowercase letters after work today. There were a few random topics that were crossing my mind to include.


And then at 8:48 I got a call on my cell phone from my mom informing me that my grandpa had passed away at 6:50.

I lasted another hour at work before I went home. I spent the day on my dad's couch, in a daze, with my mom and sister. We made chicken noodle soup and mostly just stared at the walls.

I can't believe it's true. I called his phone just in case he might answer.

he didn't.

So, this miscellany monday is dedicated to the most amazing man I know, and my biggest, BIGGEST fan and encourager.

I still don't believe it. That's basically the only way I'm writing any of this right now.

i love you grandpa.

All By Myself

I have been trying to find someone who would code a set of social media icons for a decent price.  (I have been trying to figure out how to do it to no avail for at least two months.)

Well, tonight, that pattern ended! I figured out how to do it myself and wanted to give credit where it was due.

I learned how to code them from this blog post.

I found the icons I liked (that actually had a pinterest icon!) from this site.

I can't decide if I still want a redesign. I like it the way it is, but I don't LOVE it.  Despite thinking I'd have way more free time after law school, the last thing I have time for right now is an entire graphic redesign of my blog. Oh well.

I hope you guys at least like the new social media look :D.  It cleaned up a lot of the side bar, so I'm pretty thrilled about that.  For now, I think I'll stick to reading books over "how to code" articles.

*After I wrote this I got a little more "creative" and changed the layout setup through Blogger's platform. I'm really done for the night now.

Quiet Time / Prayer Binder

Well, I've been using my quiet-time binder for about two weeks now.  I will post more detail later so I don't overload you guys with all of the info, but I thought I'd give an outline, kind of in honor of the first day of Good Morning Girls.

To get started I bought a binder, a pack of those 5-tab dividers, and some college ruled paper.  I already had scrapbook paper at home.  All in all it was like $9.00 or something crazy.

I also bought a new Biblea month ago that I am seriously LOVING.  It wasn't specifically for quiet time, but for learning more about the Word. It is a FABULOUS resource.  It's the ESV study bible.  Because I had the nice, fancy, new bible, I clearly needed new bible pens. haha

I found these pens after googling "bible pens" or something like that. They are AWESOME. I got them on Amazon for 10 dollars and thought I was getting a steal...until two days later they were only $6. Oh well.  They are fabulous and mark the page just enough without going through the page.

So far the format I created is working pretty well.

I have a tab for reflection, prayer, 1000 gifts and Good Morning Girls. So far I haven't figured out what to use the last tab for.  I've seen some people use it as an archive space, which might work.

So, those are the basics to my new quiet time binder! I'll post more in a few days.

I am tired.

via

I haven't been posting much in recent weeks because we are in the middle of pre-trial preparations. I am exhausted.  A normal billing week at my firm is 44 hours (in a 5 day week).  Yesterday, at the end of a four day week, I'd billed 42 hours. After today, I've billed 49. I am so brain fried right now and I'm not done for the night unless I want to work tomorrow, which I desperately don't.

So, in order to cheer myself up I'm opening a bottle of wine.

I'm having a "single girl" pity party. Even though I'm not single, being in a long distance relationship means I live most of my days like I am.  All of the people who are working on this trial have someone at home that can take care of things while they work 12 hours a day.  Someone who will throw a load of laundry in the wash, go grocery shopping, prepare tomorrow's coffee, take out the trash.

But not me.

I feel so overwhelmed by everything at work that I just stay as late as I can until my brain stops working and then come home brain fried and exhausted. I haven't done dishes in about two weeks, but because I also haven't gone grocery shopping the only things in my sink are coffee mugs and travel mugs. True story. I threw a load of laundry in the washer this morning - thinking I'd be home in 4-5 hours. Instead, I was gone 10 hours so I'll probably have to wash them again unless I want to smell like moldy laundry. Which, clearly I don't.

Granted, 2 of those hours were spent at an outlet mall walking around and finding treasure at J. Crew. But still... I thought it would be hard to keep up this schedule with a husband and family. Now I'm thinking it's equally hard - just in a different way - to keep up this schedule without SOMEONE around to help me.

Basically, I am tired. I feel like it's law school final exams except that this trial is expected to last 4-6 months instead of two weeks. There's no break. No breathing room.  No way to get everything done.

And on top of it all - I'm all alone. All the time.

Work-a-holic

I have billed 23 hours in the last two days and narrowly avoided having to fly to San Diego tonight and stay in a hotel.  Instead, I'm flying out at the crack of dawn, and headed back to San Diego in the afternoon.  I am EXHAUSTED.  I left work at 8:40 pm today and am still hyped up feeling.

So, in order to cheer myself up, I thought I'd share two pictures with you from a couple of weeks ago:

A man running heavy equipment on his ranch... what could be sexier?

And kicking up dust on our way home in his beat up old dodge:

I love this man.