The interesting thing about heartbreak is that, at least for me, it simultaneously instills a strong desire to be left alone, along with an insatiable urge to be around other people.
Thus, here I am, in a hotel lobby, in a different state, trying to escape everyone, and yet not wanting to be in my room with no one.
I don't really know how to move forward, and have mixed feelings about going backwards. I can only be.
Right here. Right now.
Unfortunately, here and now is a horrible combination of devastated, irrationally (and somewhat rationally) angry, exhausted and disappointed.
And so, blogging friends of mine, this is why I haven't been around much. Any posts you've seen in the last two weeks were scheduled in advance (sorry to blow the surprise), and I've only been able to muster Twitter and Instagram from my iPhone.
Which is OK, because the friend I'm staying with doesn't have wifi or TV anyway.
I'm spending most of my hours in silence or with friends, trying to find healing in a situation I never foresaw and couldn't imagine in my worst nightmares.
The other interesting thing about heartbreak... is that it makes you question how you could ever love again. I don't really know how a heart ever heals itself, and I feel pretty powerless to help the process. Other than to be alone, while surrounded by people.
{P.S. I'll answer the question most of you are probably wondering - because it's the one I get asked the most. Is there a chance for reconciliation? I hope so. I am in constant prayer for exactly that. But this wasn't my decision. And it isn't what I want. It's up to him to decide the likelihood of the "R-word."}
wait for the Lord
ReplyDeletebe strong
and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
You've always got a place to stay here, don't forget that. And you've always got me to call/text. I'll keep praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, and have no words. I pray you find healing through all of this, and that in His time your heart will mend and you'll find the ability to love again. "Draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you"
ReplyDeleteSorry dear. I feel your pain, hence my disappearance from the blogosphere but find comfort in the Lord as he will give you strength.
ReplyDeleteI wondered what was up with the last few weeks of posts! I am so, so, SO sorry about this. You are so brave to blog through such a big upheaval at all, pre-scheduled posts or not. Hang in there. You are smart, strong, beautiful, and young, and things will unfold as they should. And if you want to take more trips, you can come to Austin and stay with me!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your heart. Lean on Him!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about this recent turn of events. Sending a big virtual hug your way.
ReplyDeleteI know we haven't talked much at all (this is writingvixen from twitter) but just know that you're in my prayers. God has a plan for your life. He does. This will work out for good and what will happen in your life soon will be so much better than you ever would have imagined. Trust me.
ReplyDeleteI'm so far behind on reading blogs that I completely missed this. I know we don't know each other, but just know you've got someone the other side of the world asking God to help you heal. (Also, if you just need to vent, I find that talking to strangers sometimes is easier than to friends, so I'm here if you'd like to!)
ReplyDelete